Sometimes, life throws us curveballs we never expected—like a mass exodus of people from our inner circle. Recently, I’ve found myself in the thick of such a transition, watching people leave my life, personally and professionally. It's been a journey filled with mental and emotional strain, but I’ve discovered a new perspective: the Law of Allowance.
The Emotional Toll of People Leaving Your Life
Losing friends, employees, and even clients can be overwhelming emotionally. It's easy to feel betrayed and abandoned and even question your own judgment. When you let people into your life, you expect a level of trust and respect, especially from those you work closely with.
Friendship Fallout
We all have those people in our lives who we thought were in it for the long haul. Friendships, especially the ones formed during pivotal stages in life, can feel like lifelong bonds that will withstand any storm. But when a friendship dissolves, it’s more than just losing a person—it’s losing shared memories, trust, and emotional support. The sense of loss can run deep, making us question whether we were wrong about the connection. We wonder, "Did I misread their intentions?" or "Was this friendship ever real?"
As adults, making new friends can already feel like a challenge. With work, family, and other responsibilities, it’s not as easy as it once was to connect deeply with someone. So, when a friendship formed in adulthood breaks down, it can hit especially hard. The time invested, the trust built, and the vulnerability shared often feel more significant because, as adults, we’re more selective with who we allow into our inner circle. When a friend chooses to walk away, or a fallout occurs, it feels like a rejection of the relationship and the person you’ve become.
I’ve lost childhood friends and those I knew from my teenage years as we evolved and grew apart, and while those losses were tough, I could make sense of them as part of the natural progression of life. People grow and change, and sometimes you drift apart. But it’s the friendships formed in adulthood—the ones that felt solid and trustworthy—that hurt the most when they unravel. As adults, we come into friendships with more awareness, more life experience, and more understanding of ourselves. So, when an adult friendship falls apart, it feels like a gut punch, especially when we place so much value on it.
Friendship "breakups" as adults often leave you feeling blindsided, betrayed, and more isolated than ever. It’s not just the loss of the person that hurts, but the expectations and trust you built around that relationship. The emotional fallout from losing someone you thought would be there for the long term is profound, and the stress of that kind of separation can sometimes rival the pain of romantic breakups.
The Employee Who Was Never A Good Rehire:
In a professional setting, few things are more frustrating than realizing you’ve placed trust in the wrong person—especially when that person is someone you know you should have rehired. I dealt with an employee whose actions were dishonest and detrimental to the business on multiple levels. They were stealing time and resources, costing the practice thousands of dollars. When you put your faith in someone, particularly in a small, tight-knit environment, that displaced trust stings deeply.
What made the situation even worse was this employee's pretense of authority. They acted as if they had the educational background and expertise to make decisions far outside the scope of their position. It wasn’t just overstepping boundaries—it was downright dangerous. They presented themselves as knowledgeable and capable, but their actions were manipulative and misleading to me, our team, and our patients. The damage they caused was more than financial; it was a violation of the trust I had extended to them, as well as a breach of the trust our patients had in our practice.
The betrayal was magnified because it didn’t just impact me or our business—it affected the people who depend on us for care. This employee's manipulation, arrogance and overreach led to the misrepresentation of the services we offer, which caused confusion and distress among a few easily misled patients. Their unauthorized actions attempted to erode the credibility and reputation of our practice. When a staff member takes liberties that are not theirs to take, it’s not just a professional setback—it’s a personal affront. I trusted this individual to contribute positively to our mission, and they turned that trust into an opportunity for self-serving behavior, damaging relationships with a few patients in the process.
Clients Terminating Services
The ultimate blow, however, came when we lost a few clients because of this employee’s actions. It’s one thing to lose revenue due to their theft of time and resources, but it's another to see clients leave services because they were misled or manipulated. Clients come to us trusting that we will help them navigate their journey with integrity and expertise. So, when they decide to terminate services due to misinformation or unauthorized advice, it hits hard.
As a business owners, we feel a deep sense of responsibility for every client's outcome. When someone under your employ undermines that trust, it feels like you’ve failed those clients, even if their decision to leave was ultimately beyond your control. There’s a particular sting in knowing that someone else’s actions—not your own—have driven a wedge between you and the people you are dedicated to helping. It leaves you questioning if there was something you could have done differently, how long the deception had been going on, and how much damage was caused before you even realized it.
It’s a brutal reminder that no matter how carefully you vet or supervise employees, you can’t always control their actions or their impact on your business. And when the fallout includes losing clients—people who put their health in your hands—the emotional and mental strain is profound. You’re not just dealing with a business setback; you’re facing the pain of knowing that lives you sought to improve have been disrupted because of one person’s selfish behavior.
In the end, it’s been a tough but valuable lesson in recognizing the red flags early and trusting my instincts when it comes to hiring—firing - and rehiring. The experience has taught me that misplaced loyalty and second chances can sometimes cause more harm than good and that protecting the integrity of the business and the well-being of our patients must always come first.
The Mental and Emotional Strain
When people leave—whether they’re friends, employees, or clients—the mental and emotional toll can be enormous. These departures force you into a place of self-reflection, and not always in a healthy way. You start to question everything: "Was I not good enough? Did I fail them in some way? Could I have done something differently to prevent this?" The cycle of second-guessing yourself can be mentally exhausting, leaving you feeling vulnerable and, at times, even unworthy. It’s as though every departure chips away at your confidence, amplifying your fears and insecurities.
The emotional strain is compounded by the sense of isolation that often follows. When people leave unexpectedly, it feels like you’re in a free fall, searching for solid ground but finding none. The people you once leaned on for support, trust, and camaraderie are suddenly absent, leaving a void behind. It’s hard not to feel abandoned or betrayed and even harder to shake the feeling that you’re all alone in dealing with the aftermath. You might replay conversations or interactions in your mind, obsessing over the small details, trying to pinpoint where things went wrong—if they ever went right in the first place.
It can be particularly disorienting when these departures happen in close succession. Losing friends, trusted employees, and valued clients all at once feels like being hit from every direction. There’s no time to process one loss before another one occurs, piling on layers of emotional exhaustion. You find yourself running through the “what ifs,” desperately searching for answers that may never come. The stress can become a constant undercurrent, impacting everything from your mood to your physical health. Sleepless nights, irritability, and a sense of heaviness can become your new normal as you navigate the emotional fallout.
But here’s the thing: feeling all these emotions is okay. It’s OK to grieve the loss of relationships you thought were solid. There’s no shame in feeling hurt, confused, or even angry. These emotions are valid, and trying to suppress them only prolongs the healing process. It’s important to acknowledge the pain and permit yourself to feel its weight. But at the same time, it’s equally important not to let these feelings consume you. Dwelling too long in the hurt can lead to a cycle that becomes challenging to escape negativity.
What I’ve learned through this process is that not everyone is meant to be part of your journey forever. People come into our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime, and sometimes, their role in our story comes to an end sooner than we anticipated. That doesn’t mean you’ve failed or that the relationship was meaningless. In fact, the opposite can be true. Often, people leave when their purpose in your life has been fulfilled—when they’ve taught you something or when you’ve grown in ways that require you to move in different directions. Ultimately, people cannot stay where they are not a vibrational match.
Letting go of the idea that everyone who enters your life is supposed to stay is liberating. It doesn’t mean the loss hurts any less, but it shifts the narrative from one of failure to one of growth. Instead of focusing on what you’ve lost, you start to recognize what you’ve gained from the experience—whether it’s lessons learned, stronger boundaries, or a clearer understanding of who you are and what you need in relationships.
The mental and emotional strain of people leaving is undeniable, but it can also be a catalyst for transformation. It forces you to confront difficult truths about yourself and others and challenges you to grow in ways you might not have otherwise. It’s okay to feel the pain of the loss, but don’t lose sight of the fact that every ending creates space for new beginnings. And in those new beginnings, there’s the opportunity to rebuild, refocus, and realign yourself with people and circumstances that are more aligned with your path.
The Law of Allowance: A New Perspective
My go-to perspective to cope with this period of transition (after I've processed the reactive emotions) is to embrace the Law of Allowance. This spiritual principle suggests that we can allow things to happen without resistance, trusting that every exit from our lives creates space for something better.
What Is the Law of Allowance?
In this scenario, the Law of Allowance states that we trust that people and situations are leaving our lives for a reason. Whether it’s a toxic friend, a dishonest employee, or a patient who isn’t ready to heal, their departure is part of a better plan. Instead of fighting to keep things as they are, we are better served to allow the flow of life to take its natural course.
People Come and Go for a Reason: Not everyone is meant to stay in your life forever. Some relationships have an expiration date, and while it hurts when they leave, their departure can also be a blessing. Perhaps they were holding you back from something even better that you haven't conceptualized yet, or their exit is clearing the way for people more aligned with your values, goals, and energetic vibration.
Letting Go of Control
Let’s be real—when people leave your life unexpectedly, it’s hard not to feel like you’re losing control. The desire to manage every detail, to understand why things happened the way they did, can be overwhelming.
However, trying to control situations and people only creates more stress. Letting go of control and practicing the Law of Allowance means accepting that the universe has a bigger plan—one you can’t fully see yet.
How to Embrace the Law of Allowance in Your Own Life
The Law of Allowance isn’t just something you think about—it's something you practice. Here’s how I’ve been working on applying it and how you can, too:
1. Acknowledge the Emotions: It’s okay to feel the hurt, anger, and betrayal when people leave. Allow yourself to grieve, but don't dwell on it. Feel the emotions and then release them.
2. Reframe Your Perspective: Instead of focusing on the loss, reframe the situation by asking, “What is this making space for?” Look at it as an opportunity for growth rather than a setback.
3. Create Boundaries: Sometimes, people leave because they overstep boundaries. Reflect on where you may need to set clearer limits to protect your peace and your energy.
4. Trust the Process: The Law of Allowance requires trust in the unseen. Trust that the universe (or whatever higher power you believe in) has a plan for you, even if it’s not clear yet.
Lessons Learned from My Experience
While it has been difficult to lose people I trusted, it has also been an eye-opening experience. I’ve learned that:
- Not Everyone Deserves a Second (or third or forth) Chance: Trust your gut when it comes to people who have violated it before. While forgiveness is a beautiful thing, some people don’t deserve a place in your life after they've proven untrustworthy.
- Clients Who Really Value Your Services Will Stay: In our business, I’ve come to realize that clients who actually value the services we provide and who are truly invested in showing up for themseleves will stay. Those who don't may leave—and that’s okay. Again, a person cannot stay where they are not a vibrational match.
- You Can’t Control Others’ Actions: No matter how much you pour into people—whether friends, employees, or patients—what they choose to do with that is their responsibility, not yours. You can only control your reaction and how you move forward.
Experiencing people leaving your life is never easy. It challenges you mentally, emotionally, and sometimes even spiritually. But the Law of Allowance has been my guiding light in this dark time, reminding me that every departure is creating space for something greater.
So, if you're going through something similar, know you’re not alone. Trust in the process, and allow people to come and go. At the end of the day, you’re better off without those who no longer align with your journey.
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